Loving You Ain't Easy

Appropriate and Inappropriate. It seems to be the theme this year.
I've been adjusting to a more 'relaxed' work environment than I'm usually comfortable with. I've had to take an online harassment prevention course. I've been assessing and reassessing my own limits and standards, and find myself floating without any landmarks except my feelings.
As a high school student, I hung around with the boys. I didn't feel connected to most of the girls, we didn't share common interests, and I found them hard to understand. Instead of being confident and opinionated, I often let their ideas guide my own about my gender. I became hyper-aware of becoming a stereotype--the giggly, sheltered flower--the overbearing mother--the downer girlfriend--the high-drama, shrieking female.
I learnt what they liked and didn't like about women, physically and socially, and their ideas (poor 16 year olds) to an extent became mine. I always felt men to be more honest than women--their method of communicating easier to understand, with fewer things insinuated or communicated indirectly. There were fewer social conventions to keep up and, for someone like me, fewer chances to be misunderstood and singled out.
As an adult, I still find relationships with women difficult. I feel like there is a layer to all of them that I just can't fully read. I'm trying hard to learn to trust people of all genders, and not to judge myself based on old paranoia.
I find sometimes that these stereotypes factor so much into my idea of self that it's difficult to act without feeling like I'm acting out a role.
How to be accommodating without being self-negating.
How to be assertive without summoning up my inner harpy.
How to react to people of all genders as individuals...not as symbols of Patriarchy or sexism, or as archetypes.
How to command respect while respecting harmony.