Three weeks...

without blogging.
Three weeks of relative success not smoking.
I say relative mostly because I've really felt its effects on my mood and behaviour this time. I didn't feel that sense of fighting with myself when I initially quit, because I was away from home and around new people in a very relaxing environment. I didn't have the opportunity to grit my teeth and struggle not to run to the nearest convenience store, and there was no stress to deal with.
Since getting back to regular life, I find myself periodically filled with silent, steaming rage.
It is impossible to reason away, and sometimes I feel like one of those tiny, angry, ineffectual dogs that everyone feels sorry for when they try to show dominance.

In other news, a few things happened while I was incommunicado. There was a small rave outside of my apartment in the early evening, a newmindspace event to commemorate the 5 year anniversary of the blackout. I left work for a few minutes to see what was going to happen, having read about it online and looking forward to glowsticks and candy necklaces. It wasn't planned for directly under our apartment, but for some reason that's where it happened. There were young people hanging out, playing loud music and beating a drum, but it didn't seem like anyone was having fun. Some people walked up and then walked away quickly, seemingly feeling that the group was too small to join. It seemed very awkward, but I read later that this group joined two other groups for a large party a block north after dark. Good on them.
My favourite part of seeing this event was watching my home from across the street, seeing my neighbours and roommates looking out the window to see what on earth was happening on the street.
















I like the picture on the left because it shows a group of runners coming up beside the people preparing to 'rave'.

The one on the right I love because that evening the sunset looked spectacular, and reminded me of brilliant sunsets caused by an airborne toxic event in one of my favourite novels, White Noise.